Always keep your head up Izzy.

Never give up Izzy. 
Keep your head held high, and you'll pull through this. 


I'm feeling a lot better from what I did days ago. I feel this little thing within my heart, is it... is it happiness? It's been a long time since I last felt that.

It's all thanks to my friends that I'm still not falling completely to pieces. I owe them everything. But these past days, mostly this one, has been okay. I feel kinda loved, I'm getting closer to the friends I thought I had lost, I'm revealing new sides of myself, good sides. But I'm still in a battle within myself. I can't stop that on my own, I need help - and I'm getting it.

I just wanted to tell all of you that it's going the right direction, so don't worry. I'll heal.. a little at a time.

Izzy over and out.

Running From Everything.

I'm running from everything.

From you, from her.

I need to get away.

How do you feel? Are you okay? Wanna talk? 

That's all I've been hearing these last days. My friends care for me, more than I deserve. But right now I just need to get away. 

I need to run away from all these problems, my emotions are in war and I can't seem to hide anywhere. It seems like everything I do is wrong. I want to talk, but I can't. I'm too scared. 

I made the wrong decision. 

Now I can't do anything but to watch. 

I was scared. Scared of not being good enough. Scared that I might disappoint you. So I took the safe way. 

I loved you, I still do. But.. I hurt you. And I can't do anything about it. I was selfish and didn't want to listen to my heart, instead I listened to my stupid brain and took the safe choice, leaving you behind.

I realized that. But too late.

I just want you  back, but I can't. 

I can see in your eyes, you're happy.

You smile when you talk about her. 

She's sweet, kind, caring, beautiful, perfect. You guys are sweet together and don't misunderstand me. I love her as a friend. To see her make the one I love happy makes me happy. 

But it hurts. It hurts so badly I'm falling to my knees crying. I'm breaking down, my heart is bursting with sorrow and regret. My friends say it's my own fault, and they're right. She's happy now, without me, and I just have to deal with it, and I'm really trying. Believe me! 

I put on my happy face. 

Tell everybody that I'm fine. 

Always be strong.

I tried, hard. I sat down and comforted my friend while her face was covered in tears. Trying to hold my own tears back, and I succeeded. As I always do. I wasn't going to be weak. 

But then my friend came, she could see in my eyes I was hurting, and then I broke down. Crying and sobbing. Being weak.

I hate crying in front of others, I've always been the one others could come and talk to, being the available shoulder to cry on. I've always been the strong one.

But when I come home, I fall down crying. I fall down my black hole and cry. 

I hurt myself to feel better. 

I need to get away, I cut contact with everyone. I NEED to forget you. You're my world but I have to let go. But every time I think of you. Your smile. Your laughter. Your warming touch. I fall back down. 

 I know you don't love me, so I'm leaving. 

-Izzy